Darth Vader the Hamster
by Cally Starkiller
Summary: It all started with the death of a hamster. With the help of EDI, Joker goes up and comforts the saddened Commander as she mourns the death of her beloved hamster. One-shot. Before they enter the Omega Four relay...after Garrus visits.


**Inspired by the song-You Picked Me-by Fine Frenzy**

**I own nothing!**

**Enjoy!**

**My first attempt at something like this.**

**I'll probably tweak this later on.**

_italics-thoughts_

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Shepard took Darth Vader the hamster out of its cage and was about to pet it when she realized something. The animal laid still as it sat in her hand.

"Darth?" She whispered as she hesitantly put her other hand over it. It did not squeak at her. "Vader?" Her voice cracked.

It was hours before they headed for the Omega Four relay and start the suicide mission and she had already killed someone. "Oh no." Setting the dead hamster back in its cage, she scowled.

Grabbing the nearest thing, she threw the hamster cage at the 'EDI console, and retreated into her bathroom.

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"Jeff. I have reason to believe that Shepard is in distress. She is not answering my console and I heard several curses emanate from the bathroom."

Joker looked over at EDI and finally registered what she said. "Maybe she's in the middle of doing-"

"No Jeff. Garrus Vakarian is back at his station after spending time with the Commander. She is alone."

Joker bit his lip anxiously, really wishing that he hadn't said that. "What happened?"

"I have no idea. I believe that you should go up there and-"

"She has Garrus. He can take care of her." Joker grumbled, turning his attention back to his own work.

"I may not have been around humans long enough Jeff but you are projecting the emotion jealousy-"

"Am not!" Joker protested, swinging his chair around to face EDI.

"Regardless, I suggest you comfort the Commander." EDI blinked out of existence.

"Whatever." He muttered. Sitting there for a few moments, he relented to his aching feeling of curiosity and limped toward the elevator.

"Oh my gosh! Mordin, Jacob! Did you see that?" Kelly squealed as the three stepped out of the elevator.

"Turian brings wine. Wearing civilian clothing. Suggest mating session has already began and is now over. Know this by look on turian's face." Mordin commented, looking rather pleased with himself that he had gave the two advice.

"I saw." Jacob crossed his arms. But a wide smile broke out, teeth shining and all. "That Garrus is such a player." Chuckling, he went back into the armory while Mordin headed back to his lab.

Kelly noticed Joker standing there and decided to pour out her happiness to him despite his sarcastic demeanor. "Garrus looked so happy afterwards. I knew they'd make a cute couple!"

Joker snorted and passed around her and into the elevator. The elevator opened up and he felt suddenly intimidated when he came face to face with the door leading into Shepard's room.

He stared at the door, unsure how to approach the topic. "Shepard…EDI told me that you were in distress and…no!" Joker groaned and tugged his cap on tighter.

"Why is this so hard? Shepard's a friend…right?" Joker stopped talking and listened to the silence. "I've got to stop talking to myself."

He exhaled deeply and was about to resort to knocking until he heard a strange noise within. "The hell?"

He wasn't so sure what it was but he decided to go in anyways. "Commander!"

He heard a yell and someone cursing rather loudly. "Shepard!" He limped over to the bathroom door, noting the fallen hamster cage nearby, and it automatically opened.

There laid Shepard, not clothed and on the floor dripping wet. "Oh god! So-sorry Shep-Shepard!" He backtracked quickly and bumped into her desk. "Ahh shit."

Minutes later Shepard came out, fully clothed with casual wear and blushing furiously. "Joker…um." She rubbed the back of her neck, rather embarrassed.

"Shepard I didn't know! I swear I'm not a rapist!" Joker waved his arms crazily, a red haze on his cheeks.

"Well…that's good or else I'd have you kicked off the Normandy." Joker sighed and brought his cap lower on his face.

Shepard avoided looking at him, the blush still creeping onto her face as well as his. "Let's just forget this ever happened okay?"

"Right." He mumbled and he sneaked a peek at her. A flash of her fresh from the shower popped in his dirty mind. _'Great._'

Slick black hair propped into a small ponytail, lips puckered out in a hidden grin, she guided Joker to the couch. She sat near him and waited for him to say something.

"Why is the hamster cage on the floor?" Joker glanced up at her face and she immedietly looked horrified.

"Cause I'm a bad mother!" Shepard sniffled, remembering picking up the dead hamster into her hands.

"Oh." Joker fell silent. Looking over to the dead fish floating in the fish tank and the hamster cage on the floor, he hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder.

She turned to him. He turned to her. "Thanks for being here Joker."

"No problem…" His voice had gotten softer he realized. Clearing his throat he removed his hand and unsteadily stood back up.

"If you ever want to get a new hamster afterwards…you know if we're still living and not dead…"

"We'll go pet shopping." Shepard finished for him, a tinge of a smile showing through. "I feel bad for the hamster though…"

"Yeah I guess that's what happens when you turn to the darkside I suppose." Joker pointed out.

Shepard shook her head, filled with laughter, and raised her arms out. "Such a good friend Joker." She wrapped his arms around him securely.

Joker tensed up, not used to such attention. "Uh…yeah." His arms wavered but he rested one arm around her.

"I know this was a stupid thing to be sad about but…Darth Vader was such a good hamster." Shepard whispered, still hugging her confused pilot.

He was about to quip something along the lines of him being not so touchy feely but this was Shepard. She'd probably punch him for all he knew.

Wanting to end the hug quickly, not because it felt weird but because it felt wrong. So completely and utterly wrong. _'She has a man. Your chance has ended.'_ Joker thought, gazing at Shepard's blue eyes. _'First she falls for your best friend. Now she falls for the other 'friend'.'_

He knew that he felt something for her when he saw her face light up as he introduced himself after she had gotten done talking to the Illusive Man. How could she be so happy after seeing him? He the sarcastic pilot that had gotten her killed.

Sighing, he started walking away until she stopped him. "Wait…we have at least another hour until we hit the Omega Four relay right?"

"Yeah…?" Joker said quickly, wanting to get out here as soon as possible.

"Let's watch 'Robot Chicken'. The Star Wars edition. Cerberus has them all." She grabbed a remote off the table and clicked a button. A strange whirring noise occurred and her armor customization console turned into a large TV.

"Whoa." Joker gaped at the how large it was.

"I know!" She grinned and the Robot Chicken episode played. "This couch is too far back. Come on. Let's upgrade to front row!"

She pulled the stunned Joker onto the edge of her bed and they both sat there, watching the Star Wars parody play. "This Seth Green is genius for making this show! Too bad he's dead…"

When Seth Green started talking Shepard raised her eyebrow and looked at Joker. "He sounds like you."

"That's creepy." Joker noted, his voice almost the exact same as the other person on the TV.

Shepard smirked and they continued watching Robot Chicken, Joker glancing over at her every few seconds. "Something wrong?" Shepard asked suddenly, her eyes trained on him.

"Nope…nothing at all." Joker sighed and knew that he would never get the one person who ever cared about him. And she only cared for him as a friend.

_'At least I have blackmail against her._' Joker thought, the mental image of Shepard in the shower coming back again.

_'Thank god she's not telepathic.'_ He nervously glimpsed at her one last time before enjoying these last moments with his Commander before they threw in their lives for her on the suicide mission.

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**A/N: I'll probably make a Joker/Shepard chapter story later on after I'm done with my other chapter stories. Perhaps...not so sure yet. **


End file.
